The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
