gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
