Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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