He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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