Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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