no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I need water and some morals
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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