the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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