So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
