I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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