dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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