Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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