so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
