Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
