So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
