Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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