There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
