i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
