I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
