wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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