Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
