Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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