I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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