Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
