ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
