Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
