It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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