Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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