hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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