I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
the liver wants what the liver wants
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
