ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
