His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
