right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
