Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
