found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
