DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
