he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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