look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
