he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
