Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
