My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
