I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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