i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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