Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
