i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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