real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
