I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
