She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
