i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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