NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
