yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
